PAYBACK'S A BITCH

Does anyone else NEED to see this fight happen again?

NEW CANDIDATE FOR DOUCHE OF THE YEAR

Damn that was fast! Just when I thought Phelps would coast his way to 2009's biggest douche of the year, Chris Brown backhands his way into the lead.



I have NEVER liked Chris Brown. Never. Guys that crave attention don't sit well with me.



So in case you haven't heard the story:

Chris Brown beat the FUCK outta Rihanna over a text message. A text message that was sent to him by some hood rat trying to meet up with Brown later on that evening. Police stated that Rihanna couldn't even open her eyes to look at the camera for evidence photos. A busted lip, nose and swollen forehead were also given by Brown. Happy Fuckin Valentine's Day huh? Fuckin asshole.

What I can't wait for, is the blackballing Chris Brown will endure once Rihanna's "big brother" makes his move.

2009 leading CANIDATE for douche of the year

Now, I don't know if it's his feminine lisp or ridiculous jaw but Michael Phelps annoys the FUCK out of me. He's a clown, a fuckin tool. Anybody that knows me knows that I'm VERY critical of how the word sport is used. Basketball is a sport. Football a sport. Boxing a sport. Race car driving, NOT a sport. Golf NOT a sport (sorry Case). And swimming is definitely, NOT a fuckin sport. But yet, the Olympics have considered it a sport since 1896. And Americans have continued to eat that shit up since then, but whatever. (Perhaps I should clarify what exactly defines a "sport" to me but I will save that for another time.)



So here comes along this fuckin bum named Michael Phelps. The guy can swim. The guy can swim far. The guy can swim fast. And for this, we have been feed his dick down our throats for the last 6 months. He won what, 8 medals or some shit like that? Speedo gave this dipshit a 1 million dollar bonus and he has earned about another 5 million through endorsement deals. So this goofy kid decides to come back to America and act like a fuckin ass and stir up scenes at bars with random women and at house parties demanding the royal treatment everywhere he went. And now this bong incident has come to light. I mean c'mon! Weed? You're a fuckin Olympian who now makes millions of dollars and you're at some bum ass house party hittin a bong? How fuckin lame man. And then you do it in public, that's what really baffles me. I have nothing against people who smoke weed just stupid asses who live off endorsement deals and act a fool in public. And if that piece of shit continues to say that he displayed "behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment" during every fuckin interview I fear that I just might bury my remote in my flat screen. So rehearsed and transparent this guy is.



I don't respect Michael Phelps, his accomplishments or his alleged talent. And I'll break it down really simple for you as to why: Basically he's a damn freak of nature. His long thin torso offers low drag. His arm span is 6'7 which is awkward for his 6'4 height. These arms act as long, propulsive "paddles". He has oddly short legs which lower his drag. This combination creates an enhanced hydrofoil effect which increases his speed. He has size 14 feet which act as flippers and his hypermobile ankles extend beyond the point of a normal ankle, this allows the douche to whip his feet for an above average thrust. So what does this all mean? Well, that he was BORN with these features. A lil training and fine tuning and it would be near impossible for Michael Phelps to suck at swimming....take away these attributes and you have a skinny lil farm boy who's only call to fame is that he slightly resembles an even uglier Eli Manning.

KEEPIN IT REAL

Barack Obama continues to convince me everyday.

That he was, without a doubt.

BORN for this role.


I've been off the grind for quite some time now (almost 2 months) and now that I'm already settled in my new place, excuses have run slim for me. It's a new year and 2009 actually looks good for me so far. I figure the best way to kick off my first post is with the man himself, President Barack Obama. And when I talk about this guy I wanna toss all that 1st "black President" shit aside....cause that shit is ridiculous....at least in the way that it's being spun. The REAL reason we should all rejoice is because his election is solid PROOF towards my infamous theory that racism is on its deathbed. And as a reward for my keen sense of things to come, I hope I don't have to hear from the likes of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton anymore........your forum has been taking away, so please shut the FUCK up. Seriously.


Even when Tony Dungy won the Super Bowl, I had to hear all news sources "mention" that he was the FIRST "black" coach to win a Super Bowl...........uhhh, ooook. And what exactly does that mean? Should I celebrate more? Should I celebrate less? It really confused me that this "fact" was continuously being fed to me. Anybody that knows me, knows that I hate racism and I hate the promotion of it, despite anyone's good intentions.


This post could go down so many different paths at this point and I most definitely invite anybody to lead me down one of those paths of conversation.


But on a lighter note, I wanna shine some light on Obama's latest impact in the White House. He's done away with the "mandatory" jacket inside the Oval Office policy. This tactic is two-fold. First, it signifies a small, yet significant break away from the past. Which America desperately needed. Secondly, it creates a more stress free environment for those leading our country, a smart move on Obama's part.


So feel free to stroll in with your warm ups and iPods if you're ever invited inside the Oval Office.

THE TOP 10 HOLLYWOOD BOMBSHELLS

What up people. I hope you all had a sweet ass Thanksgiving. I have a heavy heart right now cause The Shield is finally over and its ending was as expected.......unexpected. I was tempted to post up my tribute to The Shield but I'm gonna need some more time for that. So I've decided to post the next best thing, a Top 10 post. I thought long and hard and settled on dividing the Women categories into 3 subgroups.

• Actresses
• Models
• Musicians

If you think I should add another category, then PLEASE feel free to let me know!
So.
I present to you THE TOP 10 HOLLYWOOD BOMBSHELLS......



10.) MEGAN FOX

Sorry Hideous. I now will contribute to the hordes of men declaring Ms. Fox to be just that, a Fox. You can expect to see this little firecracker eat up the silver screen for years to come.



9.) JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

Jennifer Love Hewitt first became relevant after Can't Hardly Wait. She has NEVER made a good movie and probably never will. But who cares? My girlfriend just informed me that she actually has a music CD out. Wow. Who knew?

8.) LACEY CHABERT

She was the sidekick of No. 6 in the movie Mean Girls and has had more voice over roles than actual acting roles. It's okay though, a soothing voice goes a long way in my book. Plus she looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt but better. Can't go wrong with that.

7.) SCARLETT JOHANSSON

Scarlett has NO problem sampling men. From Derek Jeter to Justin Timberlake to even Benicio Del Toro, who is like in his 40's. The Good News: Scarlett likes ALL types of men from ALL different age groups. The Bad News: Despite the wide range of men that she digs, you STILL will never be near that range.

6.) RACHEL McADAMS

Rachel McAdams, the original "Mean Girl". We all saw her in Wedding Crashers and fell in love with her sophisticated style and "down to earth" attitude. If you can't take this girl home to mom then who can you take?

5.) TIFFANI AMBER THIESSEN

We knew her as Kelly Kapowski. I always wondered why her career never really took off. She had the looks, personality and established fan base but just never really did much of anything. What a shame.



4.) GINA GERSHON

Gina Gershon is easily the most "mature" female on this list at the youthful age of 46. You've seen her play a lesbian ex-con in Bound, a stripper in Showgirls and the wife of the bad ass, Castor Troy, in Face Off. Oh yeah, and she was in that Lenny Kravitz video too, called "Again". She has by far, the most unique and sultry smile in existence.

3.) JESSICA BIEL

What is it about Jessica Biel? Guys, help me out here to pinpoint it. But whatever it is, it was enough to land her at the No. 3 spot. Congrats Jessica Biel, congrats.

2.) VANESSA HUDGENS

It's official. Vanessa Hudgens is well past the legal age of consent. Check it out for yourself http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanessa_hudgens. She's 5'3 of pure exoticness and shows great potential to remain high in the list of bombshells for years to come.
Next time you hear somebody ask "Who's Kim Kardashian"? just say she's that girl that looks like Vanessa Hudgens...... but on crack.



1.) ANGELINA JOLIE

Do I even gotta write anything?

Seriously.

IN ECONOMIC NEWS

Aight. I was watching some coverage on the Automaker Bailout last night during my graveyard shift and I was in awe. These 3 CEOs were pretty damn arrogant. Now I fully understand the repercussions America will feel if the "BIG 3" go under but they could at LEAST look legit in their "begging" of American taxpayers. Congress grilled them on their arrival to the hearing in luxury private jets. The jets cost $20,000 a pop (round trip) as compared to the $288.00 round trip ticket in a coach seat. Lol. One of the congressmen even went as far as to read out each CEO's annual salary and ask if they'd be willing to lower that salary to just $1... in good faith to show the American public that they're committed to solving this financial crisis. Each CEO basically answered "no"......but just really sugar coated it. When asked straight up if $25 Billion would ABSOLUTELY be enough to end this crisis, CEO Alan Mulally blunted stated that if it wasn't........they basically would come back and ask for more. Alan Mulally will make $35 Million dollars this year alone, not including stocks and additional incentives.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO BIG C!

Casey is a best friend of mine that I've known for about 15 years. Although you might know him as LONGHORNTROOP. I grew up with this guy and have been through damn nearly EVERYTHING with him. Well his birthday just passed and I'd figure I show some Birthday love on the site. So I hope your day was all that and I'll see your ass December 23rd for our annual reunion.